it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
