are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
