you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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