First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
