You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
