i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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