The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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