I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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