I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize