Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
