my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
