my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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