She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
