U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the day after is always just damage control
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
