Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
