dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
