just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
People in love make me want to vomit
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
