So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
