Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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