dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
