with your own penis?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
