I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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