Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
