At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
