I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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