you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
