yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Sober January is a disaster.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
