I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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