you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up under a house in Key West
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