it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
