I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
