i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just high enough for therapy.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
