there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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