so explain again why im purple
no
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
