$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I faked an abortion last night.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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