Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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