i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
