You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize