and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
