I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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