now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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