Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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