GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
