i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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