Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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