I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We got so high we made milksteak
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
