I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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