I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
