Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
