He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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