she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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