shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
