Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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