my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
