I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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