What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
