I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
