Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
