and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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