found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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