Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
