you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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