Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
