I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Randomize
