They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize