Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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