I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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