last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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