I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
