i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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