Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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