I'm going to jail i love you
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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