perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
