Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My bed smells like the plague
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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