If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
