Capitaan dildo arrescate!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
