I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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