I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
