You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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