Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
