Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
