So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
