I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
