i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
