Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
