The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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