Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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