I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
