i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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