If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
