My balls are so social today.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Randomize
