so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
