This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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