just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
