There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
