i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sober January is a disaster.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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