I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize