go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
