i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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