when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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